• Iida

How Your Fears Are Secretly Controlling Your Life

We're not in control as much as we'd like to think.

Our subconscious beliefs govern around 95% of our thoughts and actions and a big part of these beliefs and basic interpretations of the world were formed before the age of 6.

So even if you were able to perfectly control all 5% of your conscious thoughts, it doesn’t change much if your subconscious patterns are negative and based on lack.

If you are trying to think positively and still having problems manifesting in your world, it just means that you have some subconscious fears and unhealthy thought patterns to work through (as most of us do).

Luckily, you're not doomed to live with your fears forever.

In this post I'll explain how fear might be controlling your life, how to identify subconscious fears and how to release them.

Fears can secretly control your life

Fears, traumas and beliefs, such as a belief of worthlessness and a fear of not being good enough that originated from your childhood, might still drive the decisions in your daily life.

It might be pushing you to overachieve, overly criticize yourself and eventually drive you towards burn-out. The same trauma could drive another to chronic underachieving: never pursuing the her dreams due to the low self-esteem. A third person, also motivated by the same fear, might act completely the opposite by inflating his ego and putting himself on a pedestal while aggressively pushing other people down to avoid facing his subconscious fears and insecurities. We all react to our fears differently.

Many people live through their whole life without even recognizing how many of their decisions are motivated by unconscious fears.

And it’s not only the beliefs from our childhood that govern our actions.

Once you tell yourself something enough times, you start believing it. And as soon as you believe it, it becomes your reality.

What you believe, will become your reality.

An example is abusive and narcissistic relationships. If someone treats you badly and tells you are worthless enough times, you'll eventually start believing it.

This is how our mind works. If we believe this world is a cruel and terrible place, that will be our experience. If you think it's full of love and wonder, that will become your truth. It sounds so simple, but it's true. That is why becoming aware of our subconscious beliefs is crucial for our wellbeing.

So let’s get started!

How to identify subconscious fears

Identifying the fear is the first step in eliminating it.

So how do you know what subconscious unhealthy thought patterns you have?

Identifying them is not as hard as you might think. Just look at your own life: All the continuous struggles in your life are a manifestation of these subconscious beliefs.

What recurring conflicts or struggles do you have? Repeating nightmares? Is there an issue in your relationships that you keep always running into? What makes you anxious?

Whether we struggle with feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, or judging others - these are all subconscious fears rooted in our minds that are shaping our reality.

The problem with these subconscious patterns is that they only get stronger as we get older.

Just like any other habit, a thinking habit or a thought pattern, also gets harder to change after having it for years. It’s not easy to change, but by no means it's impossible.

Even though breaking these beliefs requires work, it doesn't have to take years. As soon as you recognize these patterns and are willing to let them go, your world starts to shift right away.

How to change negative thought patterns

Like I already mentioned, as long as you repeat the same thought enough times, you will eventually believe it.

This is why positive affirmations are incredibly powerful. As you first recognize the pain points and negative patterns, you just have to create positive affirmations to counterattack them.

Along with positive affirmation, meditation is a powerful tool to know yourself better and notice and change the unhealthy patterns.

For example, last week I was feeling really anxious and I sat down to meditate with an intention to connect with the pain. And there it was - 20 minutes later - a clear realization that my pain was coming from the fear of other people's opinions: I was way too attached to what other people thought about me and I was giving them the power to define my worth.

So what did I do?

I sent love towards myself and my ego, the “Small Self”, that is the scared little girl who has been with me since the day one. I created positive affirmations that supported my new sense of worthiness that was not attached to other peoples recognition, I meditated, and did energy healing to myself.

Sometimes making clear visualizations about your life without the specific fear and FEELING how the life feel without it by using all your senses can be a powerful way to change your limiting beliefs. Different techniques work for different people: schema therapy, meditation, hypnotherapy etc...

Just remember, meditation doesn’t mean sitting down in a lotus position and rationally trying to “figure out” your problems. When you're working with the subconscious, you're specifically trying to stay away from the rational mind. So instead of analyzing your problems, just try surrendering to meditation and accepting any result that comes.

I would be lying if I said that I'm completely over from my attachment to other peoples opinions, but at least it doesn't control my decisions anymore. By being aware of it, I am able to recognize each time it comes up, work with it, and take its power away.

Love vs Fear

Being afraid is a motive in surprisingly many of our decisions in life. The problem with living motivated by fear, we create a world of lack around us instead of abundance.

Are you always worried about not having enough money? Enough success? Enough opportunities? Enough love?

It means you are living in a word of lack. This is no wonder as from the day we are born to this world we are bombarded with the lack and competition mindset “that only the best will survive!” These fears can often drive us to make questionable and unethical choices.

“There has never been a lie told, never has been, that was not told in fear.” -The Guides, Paul Selig

We might lie about our success because we are afraid we are not good enough as we truly are, we stab someone in the back because we feel insecure about our own success, we choose a certain profession because we are afraid of financial instability, we stay in a unhealthy relationship just because we are afraid to be alone, and we might not tell what we truly think because we are afraid of other people's judgement.

And actually, all judgement also comes from fear from one way or another. So what you are afraid of is actually that you'll make the other people afraid by challenging their worldview and that they might respond in a way that will make you feel uncomfortable. Isn’t that crazy?

If you got confused, I don’t blame you. But just remember: All judgement and lies come from fear. Because in love - there's no need for either one.

Breaking out from the self made prison

So what if you could live in a world of love instead of lack?

All thoughts and emotions are energy vibrating in a frequency. Also love and fear are just different frequencies.

So once you learn to shift our thought patterns that are holding us down and start resonating at a higher frequencies, you can start looking at the world through a different lens and everything will change.

It's kind of like I wrote in my diary when I was 10 years old : “En suutu enää kun häviän peleissä. Olen saanut rakkauden silmälasit”. Translation doesn’t do justice to this poetry but it roughly means “I don't get mad anymore when I lose in games. I’ve gotten the specs of love”.

When you put these specs on, you don’t have to feel threatened or scared anymore and suddenly many things that used to bother you simply doesn't anymore.

You have enough of everything, so much that you want to share with those who don’t. You lift others instead of compete with them and feel grateful instead of always wanting more.

All of this is possible if you're just willing to let go of fear.

And after all, true freedom is - freedom of fear.